Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
