What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
