Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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