It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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