bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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