yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
