I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
