it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How does one acquire holy water?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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