Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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