I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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