I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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