i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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