Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
