to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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