I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
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i don't really know how much tequila is too much
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
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An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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