i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Who died my cat blue again?
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
