and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
we're chasing vodka with high fives
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
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