who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
