Someone shit on the floor
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
