Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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