Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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