I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Randomize
