I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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