You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
