He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
