im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
