hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
