you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
