apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
