he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
