Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Randomize
