Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
