she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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