Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
