I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
