The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
