My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
