so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
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