I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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