if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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