is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Randomize
