I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
