I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
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I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
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You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
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