Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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