2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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