Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
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