i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
