So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
