My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize