I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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