What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
