I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
