Who did Billy Mays play for?
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
