Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
