There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
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