So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
