You're a womanizer and a bitch.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
