i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
you win again, gameday.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
