every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
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