I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
