Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
