i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
