Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
